Real hillbillies are some of the heartiest, resourceful, creative and frugal people I have ever had the honor of knowing. I have an honest respect of that culture. One of my favorite films of all time is the 1980 film, Coal Miner’s daughter, about Loretta Lynn. The scenes of her childhood in Butcher Holler were breathtaking in its purity and simple earthly beauty. How thrilled would todays kids be if they received one cheap pair of shoes or one item of clothing for the year? As she grew famous and wealthy her happiness drained out of her. All the trappings of wealth could never compare to her idyllic hillbilly childhood.
Sadly, in the age of the Hummer-Suburban lifestyle, we have lost all respect for those who choose to live in a smaller footprint. I believe in the depths of our souls, like Loretta, that we truly yearn to go back to a more simple life. That is really what this blog is all about. I can tell you that I am living the life of a modified Hawaiian hillbilly. Some call people like us Puna Crud, Punatics, or Mokes. I may fall into the Punatic section, since my dwelling had a mortgage and has the seal of approval from both government and financial institutions. The true meaning of Puna Crud has to do with a downtrodden, drug riddled, government assistance dependent. A moke refers to an uneducated, domestic abusing, beer swilling, camel toed, spam and rice, pidgin speaking male of mixed ethnic blood. Hawaii's version of the "Redneck". Instead of playing fiddles with da buddies instead they might play da ukulele.
So, for all of you folks who are curious as what life is like on the Windward side of the Big Island, lets sit down in my little Hale Moa and have a frosty beverage and talk story.
Puna is a vast region, as big as the entire island of Oahu. It stretches from Cape Kumukahi on the southeastern tip to the town of Volcano, from sea level to over 4000 ft in elevation. It is home to Kilauea, Volcano National Park, vast acres of papaya ranches, one geothermal power plant, two public high schools, 2 intermediate schools, and 4 elementary schools and a few state and county parks. There are zero Walmarts, one McDonalds, two 7-11’s, three small supermarkets, and just a few banks and credit unions. The population of this vast district is over 50,000, though.
Back in the 1960’s game show contestants were awarded prizes of land in Hawaii. That land happened to be in the district of Puna. Some of that land got taken by Pele in the late 80’s and early 90’s and is now for the most part, uninhabitable.
More than 2/3 of the properties in this district are undeveloped and owned by off-island or out- of-state owners. (My small subdivision in Mountain View has over 14% of the lots owned just by folks from the Chicago area!) Because this large percentage of off island taxpayers, the infrastructure is poor to non-existant. And, by infrastructure, I am talking, no electric, no phone, no county water, no cable and no high speed internet. Because of the infrastructure challenges, the property is very cheap compared to the rest of the islands and even compared to many places on the mainland.
Folks of the limited incomes have been able to buy some of these lots. They may vary in size from 1/5 of an acre to 3 acres. All kinds of flexible financing has been transacted with sellers who are anxious to get out of a property tax obligation. Most do the “Agreement of Sale” deal if they have any sense, while the real lolos end up doing “Rent to Own". Most of the land is arable, has plenty of water, once you set up some sort of receptacle to catch it from your roof. The Property is accessable if you have a sturdy vehicle. However, lots of these "landowners" lack the "sturdy" part of the description. This is another posting subject, but suffice to say that Puna is littered with thousands of rotting Car-casses.
Now compared to a typical rustic hillbilly cottage, the shacks in Puna lean towards the design style of the poorest most destitute third world civilizations. I’m talking Calcutta, Tijuana, Juarez, Port Au Prince and Nigeria. I am not exaggerating in the slightest sense, either, trust me on this. (I will supply at least some photo documentation.) The thing is, compared to those places, it still comes out worse than anyone can imagine. My friends and I laugh about this Banana republic of Hawaii and say its not even as good as the third world. If they had a Sub-third world that’s what it would be. The only thing that sets this place apart from true third worlders is the Generous Uncle Sam who supplies so many of his ohana with food and cash assistance. That is in itself a curse as much as a blessing. At least, though, unlike Haiti, people aren’t scratching the aina for crunchy dirt to make mud cookies. I won’t get into that “cock-a-roach” hole now, though.
I have a neighbor about 28 years old. Her and her S.O. are on Government assistance with six keikis all under the age of 11, living in a one room, patched together shack, full of holes and rotten wood, with no running water and not even a pot to poop in. Its really that bad. This example has way more curb appeal than others I have seen, though. I have seen shacks made of blue poly-tarps, “Vizqueen” clear plastic sheeting, old rusty corrugated metal roofing and bungee cords. These makeshift, slapped together structures are all over this Puna district. These people have babies, and toddlers running around on the mud floors. This is the windward side so we can see months of endless cold rain. It can be miserable and depressing even in an approved house. If you saw it yourself you would not believe that it was an address in the wealthiest nation in the world. I have seen other homes that were made out of wood and had roofs but were about 240 square feet more or less with 6-8 people cramped together. The Great Depression way of life has been the normal condition for over one third of folks in Puna for a long time. It is something we all talk about but you hardly ever read about it.
The good thing about these folks is if the shit really hits the fan, at least we are surrounded by others who have lived this life and can show us how to make do. Some of them are pretty good at getting by and will have a lot to teach the rest of us when that time comes. One of them is my neighbor, Louie.
Louie is the real deal. He is an authentic Hawaiian Hillbilly. He is pure Portuguese, grew up on a farm in Kaiwiki which is a beautiful upcountry area just North of Hilo town. Louie is a carpenter, and has built himself a pretty nice house
compared to the typical Puna crud dwelling. It’s a hand crafted house with a couple of levels, lanais, and a cute woodsy kitchen. There aren’t any building permits for the thing, but back when he was working he managed to hook up to an illegal county water line. He has no electricity and no phone service, though. It's availabe, he just uses an off the grid alternative: cell phones and Honda generators. He does have a vegetable garden, a few chickens, and access to the adjacent State forest reserve that surrounds his 1/5 acre parcel. He manages to keep out of the clutches of da taxman, knowing full well "No fuck wit dem guyz." He is an astute pig hunter and has a real kanaka skill with the local plants. He is out of work these days due to the building bust, but has a bicycle which he rides to Kurtistown for staples and whatnots. This guy is 54 years old and used to be a master grower of da best Puna herbs. These days, though, he keeps his mouth shut about how he makes his living. I suspect he falls back on his most marketable skills. Regardless of that fact, I have always believed he would be the Big Kahuna around here if the Big Island ever gets cut off from Young Brothers and Matson Lines.
